parenting Archives

September 26, 2017

7 Ways to Develop Grit in Your Kids

“Grit” has recently become a popular buzzword in parenting and education. It’s defined by University of Pennsylvania psychologist Angela Duckworth as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”

According to Duckworth, grit is a better indicator of future success than IQ or talent. It’s a combination of determination, focus, passion, and resilience. It’s the ability to persevere in the face of challenges and failure.

If you want to help your child develop the all-important tool of grit, here are seven ways to do it.

Be a positive role model.

Children are often mirrors of their parents, so model “grittiness” for your child. Here’s how:

Handle your mistakes with positivity and/or humor.
Demonstrate a willingness to face challenges and persevere.
Discuss mistakes and setbacks with your child, even asking your child for advice when appropriate.

Allow your child to make mistakes, and teach him to accept them.

It’s tempting to cushion our children from failure, but doing so only prevents them from learning valuable coping skills.

Instead of preventing your child from failing, teach him how to handle failure appropriately.

Teach your child that failure is only an opportunity to go back to the drawing board and devise new and better strategies. “What went wrong this time? How can we prevent that from happening next time?”
Take a cue from the father of Sarah Blakely, founder of Spanx: He had his children share their mistakes at the dinner table each night. These mistakes were then celebrated, because if Sara and her brother hadn’t failed that day, then they hadn’t tried anything challenging enough.
Or follow the example of Kelly Holmes, author of Happy You, Happy Family: When her child gets a spelling word wrong as they practice, Holmes gives her a high five and says, “High five, you’re learning!”

Help your child set goals.

Work with your child to set at least one long-term goal, and then help him stick with it.

Here are some goal-setting strategies you can use with your child:

Let your child choose the goal, so it’s something that is meaningful to him.
Break the big goal down into incremental steps that will make it more achievable.
Discuss potential obstacles, and make an action plan for how your child will handle these obstacles if they occur.
Write it all down: Professor Gail Matthews found that you’re 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you just put it in writing.

Teach your child to problem solve.

When your child does struggle with problems or setbacks, brainstorm ways to solve the problem. You can offer suggestions like, “What if you stayed after school to get some extra help from your teacher?” or, “What if you started your homework a little earlier?”

But it’s important to let your child contribute ideas too. This shows your child that problems are solvable, and it gives him a sense of power and control in the face of challenges.

Praise effort, not ability.

Stanford University psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck emphasizes the importance of teaching your child a growth mindset by praising effort instead of ability.

When you praise effort, your child learns that he can achieve anything through hard work and practice.

When you praise ability, your child receives the message that traits like intelligence are “fixed.” If he encounters a setback, he’ll feel that he’s reached the limit of his ability and is more likely to give up instead of exerting increased effort.

Nurture your child’s passions.

Passion is a major component of grit, so help your child find and pursue his passions.

Be supportive: You may want your child to be a star athlete, only to find that his true passion is chess. If that’s the case, be accepting and encouraging. This will nurture both your child’s grit and his self-esteem.

Be a family that embraces challenges.

Angela Duckworth’s family follows the “Hard Thing Rule,” which specifies that each member of the family must do one “hard thing.” It must be something that requires practice, and that allows for feedback and opportunities to get better.

Family members must “try again and again” and continue improving.

By using any or all of these seven strategies, you’ll help your child develop the powerful tool of grit!

August 23, 2017

How Parents Can Have a Tear Free First Day of School

Whether it’s pre-kindergarten or elementary, the first day of school can be tough for a child who’s never been. As a parent, you may have researched your child’s new school and feel pretty confident in the environment. But with any new experience, the change may be a bit scary for a small child to handle. On the first day of school, they need your support in a way that teachers might not be able to provide. With the following easy tips, you and your little one are on the right track to a no-tears first day of school.

Strategies for a Tear Free First Day

If possible, visit the school before the actual first day. Schedule a visit and make a point to meet the teachers and other adults your child may interact with throughout the school year. Giving your child the opportunity to become familiar with their new learning environment before the big day prepares them in knowing what to expect with such a big change.
Read a few age appropriate stories about new settings and starting school. In hearing about other characters going through similar experiences, children can relate their big day with some of the fun tales they’ve been reading. The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn, for instance, tells the story of an anxious little raccoon who is starting school and is separated from his mother for the first time. They create a special way of bonding with each other, no matter where they are in the world.
Create a friendly drawing or journal book of things your child wants to learn about at school. Use lots of different fun materials (crayons, markers, paint) to create a vision of learning in picture form. Visually generating positive thoughts about a new school experience is a great way to cement a positive attitude about the first day!
Do some school supply shopping together. If there is a list of items needed for the school year, this is a very good time to prepare for the big day with your child. The process of gathering needed items for school can open a discussion about what they can expect from school and establish a sense of familiarity before they even enter the building.
Bring a gift for the teacher. This can be homemade or purchased (either way is special) but offering a gift to your child’s new teacher can establish a caring relationship that is needed in the new environment. While the present may be for the teacher, your child is beginning to understand that this new person who will be guiding them in class is important and very special. A positive perception of the teacher will contribute to a positive perception of the entire experience!
While your child may be going through some new feelings, you may be feeling a little sad about your child leaving. And that’s okay! Starting a new school year is a big deal! And while it may not be easy, it is so worth it! You BOTH can do this!

Can you think of any additional ways that parents can have a tear free first day of school?

August 14, 2017

What to Expect: Age 2

This year your older baby will transform into a toddler. They will go from being dependent on you to demanding independence. This year your child will have much slower growth physically compared to the previous year however their mind will grow exponentially. Their play will begin to evolve into imaginative play, and they may become enthusiastic at the presence of other children. Your child will begin to observe you and other adults in their life, mimicking your habits and actions. They may pretend to text or talk on a phone. They may repeat words they hear in conversation or mimic someone’s body language. At this age, your child is excellent at mimicking those around them. They will also throw tantrums when they do not get what they want. This year can be frustrating but also fun and exciting as well.

Social and Emotional Development

As your child develops, they will begin to engage with others socially, even recognizing the presence of other children when playing. They may play parallel, or alongside, other children. They may also participate in chasing games or kicking a ball with others. This is the year that imaginative play begins and they enjoy putting on dad’s shoes or carrying a purse around like mom. Your child will also be defiant at times, doing things they were told not to, such as opening an off-limits cabinet. Your child will crave independence, insisting that they do tasks by themselves even if they do it incorrectly. They may pick out their own clothes and attempt to tie their own shoes. Social and emotional development will become more complex as they learn about relationships, strangers and their involvement with other children. This year your child’s personality will blossom, and you will find yourself amused by the clever things they do as they explore the world.

Language Development

This year your child will continue to develop language. Their vocabulary will explode, going from an average of 50 words at two years old to over 200 as they approach the age of 3. They will be able to string together two-word phrases at the beginning of the year, eventually growing to four-word sentences. They may begin to use plurals (dogs) as well as pronouns such as me and you. They will likely start to ask “What’s that?” or “Why?” as they learn more about the world. They will also understand the words of everyday objects or people and they will be able to point out objects when asked such as ball or toes. They will be able to complete simple instructions such as “Put the book on the table.” They may even be able to complete two step instructions such as “Put the book on the table and give me your shoes.” Your child’s vocabulary and understanding of language will improve every day. By the end of the year, you should be able to understand most of what they are saying and possibly even have back and forth conversations.

Cognitive Development

Your child’s understanding of object permanence will improve as they will look for items buried in two or three blankets. They may begin to experience separation anxiety however it is typically a temporary phase. They may sort items in categories such as shapes, colors or sizes. Your child may be able to recite sentences in a favorite book or sing familiar nursery rhymes. They will begin to favor one hand over the other which will likely indicate what their dominant hand will be. Your child will be able to build a tower of four or more blocks, and they may enjoy knocking it over and then rebuilding it. They may play simple make believe games such as feeding a baby doll or racing matchbox cars. Your child will also be able to name items in a book such as shoes or flower. This year your child’s brain will grow even more complex than ever before, allowing them to participate in more complicated games, conversations and activities.

Movement and Physical Development

Your child will be walking on their own if they aren’t already and by the end of the year they will likely be running to destinations rather than walking. As their gross motor skills improve, they will be able to climb on and off furniture without assistance as well as jump on two feet without difficulty. They may also be able to balance on one foot for a short period of time. Your child will be able to stand on their tip toes as well as kick a ball. As their balance and control improve, they will be able to walk up and down stairs while holding onto a rail and they may even alternate their feet.

They will also be able to throw a ball overhand as well as attempt to catch it when it is thrown back to them. As their fine motor skills improve, they will be able to scribble spontaneously as well as draw lines or shapes. They will also likely begin to insist that they brush their own teeth, pull up their own pants and brush their own hair. Your child will also begin to turn on the sink to wash their hands as well as attempt to zip a zipper or close snaps. They may also begin to hold utensils and crayons with their fingers instead of with a fist although the hold will still need improvement.

Conclusion

As your small baby grows into an active toddler, they will start to be more physically active. They will insist that they do tasks on their own and they will begin to test boundaries to see what happens. Tantrums will begin as they form opinions and independence and you may find them acting defiant frequently. They will begin to ask questions about their surroundings, and they will begin to mimic those around them. Their growth this year will be drastic as they begin to develop into an independent young child. Your child’s development from a helpless infant to an opinionated active toddler will be dramatic. This year may feel grueling at times however it will be rewarding as you begin to hold conversations with them and learn more about their blossoming personality.

August 11, 2017

5 Tips to Discipline a Toddler

Attempting to discipline a toddler can be a difficult task. It can be difficult to know how much they truly understand and it is important to stay within the realm of their emotional development. Using a positive discipline method will help children to develop their own self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills. It is important to remember that punishment and discipline are two different things and punishment does not work.

Be kind but firm

When you discipline a child, it is important to be kind but firm. You want to be respectful of his or her feelings and encourage them to meet your behavior expectations. Remember that being kind is not being permissive. Being kind means that you show respect to the child and to yourself. Make sure you validate their feelings but have faith that they can get over a disappointment.

Many people mistakenly believe that being firm means the same as punishment or giving a lecture, but this is not so. Being firm goes hand in hand with being kind. Acknowledge the feelings of the child but still set the limits that you intend.

Phrases that are kind but firm:

It will be your turn soon.
I know you can help to think of a solution.
I know you can say that in a way that is respectful.

Make the child feel connected

Children want to belong and feel significant. Punishing a child for their behavior will not give the child a sense of connectedness with you. Children will behave better when they have a sense of belonging because they are learning to respect you and the limits that you have set.

Children thrive when you can show empathy without condoning bad behavior. They want you to understand how they feel in a situation so show empathy and share your own feelings and perceptions. Help the child to find a solution so that that will have an idea of how to deal with similar situations in the future.

Make sure it will be effective long-term

Punishment may have an immediate effect but the lesson will soon be forgotten, and the punishment can cause long-term damage to the child. Punishment simply teaches children that misbehavior is ok, as long as you don’t get caught. Positive discipline helps a child to grow and develop empathy while solving his own problems.

Teach valuable social and life skills

Explain to your child that it is okay to make mistakes as long as a lesson is learned from them. It is a life skill to be able to recognize that a mistake has been made and then apologize for it and work on a solution. Children who are punished as opposed to disciplined are not learning the social and life skills that they need to behave appropriately.

Time out

A time out can be a useful tool if you first teach a child the value of having a period of reflection and time alone to sort out feelings. Time out should not be sitting in a corner but rather a time to go and sit and do something reflective. Allow the child to choose a time out spot and a quiet activity as a way to wind down and refocus.

Remember that toddlers are just learning the skills it will take to interact with others and show empathy. You can help teach them these skills through the use of positive discipline and help them grow and develop into a kind and caring contributor to society.

August 8, 2017

7 Amazing Learning Activities for Toddlers

When we think of toddlers, many thoughts come to mind. Runny noses, messy hair, picky eating are just some of the traits we relate to this curious age group.

Cognitively, there’s so much more than what meets the eye. Fine and gross motor skills are being acquired, and an overall sense of the world and the relationships within it are being developed. So how do we support the amazing evolution of the toddler?

Here are 7 great activities to help your toddler learn:

Sand table play– Sand play strengthens sensory development and basic science and math skills through scooping, pouring and early forms of measuring.
Independent book exploration– Allowing time for your child to look at books on their own develops an appreciation for books and literacy as well as gives practice in turning pages.
Making play dough– A homemade recipe of flour, water, salt and food coloring is an excellent way to practice following instructions as well as understanding sequence. In making play dough, a child is exposed to mixing, measuring and pouring in a specific order to create a finished moldable product.
Hoop jumping– With a few hula hoops lined along the ground, toddlers can gain gross motor practice in jumping from one hoop to the next. This activity helps strengthen muscles and coordination in landing their feet at the same time from one hoop hop to the next. For a bigger challenge, spread the hoops further apart for an increased
Painting with primary colors– Utilizing the primary colors of red, blue and yellow are not only fun for a painting activity, but it also is an excellent way to observe color changes and verbally identify each color that it creates.
Cardstock paper structures– This thick paper can be folded by toddlers for fine motor practice to create art structures. Using scissors or a tearing method to cut the paper into smaller pieces and tape to hold them together by building “up” a structure is a stimulating introduction to age appropriate engineering.
Salad spinner painting– Toddlers are invited to add drops of paint onto a coffee filter. Place the coffee filter into the salad spinner with the lid and begin to spin. This activity produces open ended art and gives toddlers practice in with fine motor in using their hands to turn the salad spinner.

Can you think of any additional activities?

November 7, 2015

How to Get Your Child to Listen

**The Edvocate is pleased to publish guest posts as way to fuel important conversations surrounding a P-20 education in America. The opinions contained within guest posts are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official opinion of The Edvocate or Dr. Matthew Lynch.**

By JaVohn Perry

As parents we often ask ourselves, “Why isn’t my child listening to me?” We seem to have the assumption that just because we say something, our child should automatically obey. Wouldn’t that be nice? Well it seldom works out that way. In fact, it is frequently the total opposite. We sometimes find that when we tell our child to do something, they don’t do it. Or, when we ask our child not to do a particular thing, they do it anyway. Why is this? Well this happens for a number of reasons including rebellion, misunderstandings, and sometimes our children are just testing us. Whatever the cause may be, there are ways to increase the chances of our children listening to us.

Talk to your kids, not AT them. As parents, we should talk to our children instead of talking at them. Lectures can sometimes be discouraging and one sided. A better option would be having conversations with our children. Try talking to your child about what is expected of them. Let them know what type of behavior is acceptable and what consequences they may encounter if rules are not followed. Encourage your child to engage in the conversation by asking questions. It is also important to let your child speak as well.

Leave out the judgement. It also helps to be non-judgmental when talking with your child. Judging actually does more harm than good because it causes a feeling of shame, which sometimes leads to rebellion. There is a way to tell your child what is acceptable behavior without judging them. By setting the ground rules and making them aware of expectations, you are putting a foundation in place.

Be proactive. Another good idea is to discuss issues with your child before they come up. Talk to your child about listening at a time when everything is calm and there is no issue. Children are more likely to listen and actually remember when issues are discussed while they are in a calm mood. While you and your child are just sitting around or having fun, it would be a nice time to tell them how good it feels when they listen to you. You should also ask them how it feels when people listen to them.

Set a good example. Always try your best to be a good example to your child. It is important for you to listen to your child when he or she is trying to relay a message to you. This can be a verbal message or one shown through behavior. Tell them what you are getting out of the message so that they will know for sure that you understand and that you were really listening. If you pay attention to your child, they are more likely to listen to you.

Follow through. Another very important thing we must do as parents is follow through. If you have established consequences and they are clear to your child, it is important to actually do what you say you will do. Children are very smart and they know when they can get away with things. If there is no follow through, it sends the message that they don’t have to listen because there won’t be a consequence. It also shows inconsistency between your words and actions.

In conclusion, we need to remember that each individual child is different. It is important that we know our child so we know what type of technique works for him or her. This is why we have to try to strengthen the bonds with our children. Having a close relationship with your child is very important. Children with distant relationships with their parents are less likely to listen to them. Children need to know that we care and that they are being heard. Once we start listening to our children, we are one step closer to them listening to us.

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JaVohn Perry is a devoted mother of three, Early Childhood Educator, Freelance Writer and Business Owner. As a writer, she holds many titles including Seattle Childhood Education Examiner for Examiner.com. With writing and working with children being her two passions, she makes it her duty to utilize her skills in those areas.